Author Archives: Kali

The hard parts by Seth Godin

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The hard parts

In an industrial setting, the obvious plan is to seek out the easy work. You’re more likely to get it done with less effort and then move on. The easy customer, the easy gig, the easy assembly line.

Today, though, it’s the difficult work that’s worth doing. It’s worth doing because difficult work allows you to stand out, create value and become the one worth choosing.

Seek out the difficult, because you can. Because it’s worth it.

[An aside for entrepreneurs and anyone starting a new project: if you can’t describe the hard parts, how will you focus on them? And if there are no difficulties ahead, what makes you think your project is valuable? When I meet an entrepreneur, I always ask this question first–which part of your project is hard?]

Thoughts on Leadership by Pete Mosq

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This is a blog post from Pete Mosq on FetLife

Let me start this by saying that I have a tremendous amount of respect for those people who choose to serve our community. Board and committee members, Event Chairs and Staffers, Presenters and Teachers, and anyone else who gives the gift of their time and energy.

There’s usually not a gathering I go to where someone doesn’t pull me aside and ask/rant/bitch about the current state of TES. I am not intimately involved with the governance of the organization at this point but will always consider it my ‘home.’ People are often surprised when I talk about my five years on the board with mostly positive things to share. How could that possibly be?

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Recommendations for ‘Dealing With Difficult People’

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These are the books I’d recommend for further reading on dealing with difficult people. If you find that you deal with difficult personalities a lot it’s worth spending some time and money on what to do to cope, continue what you love and keep your sanity. Links are affiliates.

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

The Power of a Positive No: Save The Deal Save The Relationship and Still Say No

Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate

These are sites where you’ll find helpful information about types of difficult people and how to understand & communicate with them

Out of the Fog – Information on Personality Disorders

These are some online articles that have further information & suggestions

Steve Pavlina

Think Simple Now

Psychology Today

“Somehow we forget this. I blame the Guarantee Fairy.” by IttyBiz

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Oh, I haven’t introduced you?  How rude of me.
Sometimes you are well and truly stuck on making a decision because
every option you’ve considered has downsides you don’t want to
experience.
You don’t want to risk making a decision you’ll regret, so you’re
stuck.
That tends to make you sit at the crossroads for the forseeable
future and ask yourself “Should I do X or Y?  What’s the RIGHT
choice?”, because both options seem painful.
When you ask these questions, you are secretly trying to summon the
Guarantee Fairy.

Speaking out against racism in Leather. A post by Mollena.

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Mollena is a community leader, educator and is a vocal POC activist. Her writing style is passionate and bluntly honest, I recommend you check it out here.

If you’re just catching up on the issue of the Portland Eagle Blackface Problem, please read my original post here.

(Thanks to  Sprinkles McGillicuddy for making a captioned version available!)

Some people have stepped up to the place and stepped up as allies.

Being an ally means fighting alongside. It is about taking a stand, in front of everyone. Vocally. Holding people accountable. Not “agreeing to disagree” when people support racism. About saying “privilege is real.” and talking about ways to mitigate racism, ways to educate so that it is a shared responsibility.

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Frequency, repetition and the power of saying it more than once by Seth Godin [Marketing]

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Frequency, repetition and the power of saying it more than once

“I’m only going to tell you this once…”

There’s a lot to be said for conditioning your audience to listen carefully. If they know that valuable information is only going to come at them once, they’ll be more alert for it.

Alas, as the nois-o-sphere gets noisier still, this approach is hard to justify.

Repetition increases the chance that you get heard.

Repetition also increases (for a while) the authority and believability of what you have to say. Listeners go from awareness of the message to understanding to trust. Yes, the step after that is annoyance, which is the risk the marketer always faces.

Delivering your message in different ways, over time, not only increases retention and impact, but it gives you the chance to describe what you’re doing from several angles.

In many ways, the mantra of permission conflicts with the mechanics of frequency. If people are loaning you their attention and you’re delivering anticipated, personal and relevant messages, your need for frequency goes way down.

If you’re using frequency as a tactic to make up for the fact that you’re being ignored, you can certainly do better.

For the rest of us though, saying it twice may in fact be twice as good as saying it once.

‘We Are All In The Selling Business’ A Keynote by Race Bannon

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by Race Bannon on April 12, 2013

I delivered this speech on April 12, 2013 as the opening keynote address at Kink LINCS, a leadership and community-building symposium held in Seattle, Washington for those who are part of the leather, BDSM, kink, fetish, poly, swing and other sex-positive communities.

Good evening. Welcome to the beautiful city of Seattle, and to the great weekend the Kink LINCS folks have in store for us.

I would like to thank all of the organizers of Kink LINCS for asking me to be here this weekend…all of the volunteers who have offered their time and effort to make this event happen…all of the sponsors who have underwritten some of this event’s costs…and most importantly, thanks to everyone in attendance, all of you, for believing that our kink and relationship alternatives scene needs inspired, informed and skilled people to help keep us all moving forward in positive ways.

I’d like to say up front that no matter who or what I appear to take to task in this speech, or what institutions or sacred cows I appear to skewer, please know that I do not think our efforts are all going to hell in a hand basket. I do not think we work among incompetents or bad people. Quite the contrary. I see a very bright future for people who align with the identities and practices embodied in this conference. I think most people who work in these areas, and that includes all of you, are doing a fantastic job. I’d just like to see it all much improved, and I think we can do that.

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Getting Paid as a Sex Educator by Charlie Glickman

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Charlie Glickman is possibly the smartest, most relateable person I know in the sex education field. His blog is completely worth bookmarking & you can follow him @CharlieGlickman on twitter

There are a lot of people calling themselves sex educators these days. It’s a really exciting field and getting to talk about sex and pleasure is a lot of fun. But the abundance of people teaching workshops makes it hard to make a living at it.

In my experience, that’s even more true in the kink world. The BDSM scene has always placed a big emphasis on education, mostly because many kinky skills require more know-how and come with more risk than vanilla sex. And since there are lots of BDSM events, conventions, gatherings, and community spaces, there are plenty of opportunities for people to show off what they know. Plus, there’s a lot of social cachet in being a presenter in those circles. (I’m deliberately leaving out the folks who offer themselves as presenters in order to cruise, but that’s another motivation for some.)

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